Open Wounds
by RainThestral93
Summary: "I don't want to remember all the times we shared– and yet I wouldn't want to obliviate the memories even if you paid me all the gold in Gringotts. Because the time we had together. The blissful moments, tangled between sheets or walking along without a care in the world? Those moments were priceless..." Hermione takes a trip down memory lane after a messy divorce from Ron.


**A/N: **So I know you're probably thinking what on earth are you doing, Beth, writing something else when you already have ten other Fics on the go... but I couldn't resist; I was in a Taylor Swift kind of mood, and the song "All Too Well" was far too good an opportunity to miss than to write an angst-filled Ron/Hermione fic, so don't complain because I hardly ever write Canon aha, and I will update my other Fics during the holidays, promise. But the premise for this Fic is Percy & Audrey's engagement party to which a divorced Hermione and Ron are invited. The ensuing Fic is her battle with her emotions and a tough battle down memory lane. It might be a bit wishy-washy but I hope you like it, and I'd love feedback as always - Beth :) xx

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** Open Wounds**

"Hermione!" Harry yelped at me as soon as I walked through the door. Enveloped in his arms, I inhaled the scent of cedar wood that I'd come to know well over the years. The Burrow was as homely as ever – now there were simply more children running round, that was all. Fleur smiled up at me from the battered divan, new born in her arm. I hope the smile I returned was convincing; for that was the last thing on earth I felt like doing.

Molly had enveloped me in a crushing hug as always, made a comment about how much weight Ron had lost, but I wasn't really listening, I was struggling to embrace everyone, remember the names of children, but most of all block out everything that seeing Ron again made me think about. It was three years since our divorce, and the first time we were both invited to a family gathering – Percy and Audrey's engagement party – I supposed everyone thought we could put our differences behind us three years later. But as strange as it was to see him again, there was something about being back at the Burrow that felt comforting – even if I couldn't really call it a home anymore.

_ I walked through the door with you  
It was cold, but something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I  
Left my scarf there at your sister's house  
And you still got it in your drawer even now_

"Hermione?" Charlie asked, bemused as he handed me a flute of champagne, and I winced apologetically. "Penny for your thoughts?" The dragon tamer asked, running a hand through his unruly locks as he did so – clearly trying to engage me in conversation, unlike the rest of the Weasley clan who had been politely avoiding me all evening. That was probably why my mind had wandered in the first place.

_Oh your sweet disposition  
And my wide eyed gaze  
We're singing in a car getting lost upstate  
The Autumn leaves falling down like pieces in their place  
And I can picture it after all these days  
And I know it's long gone, and that magic´s not here no more  
And it might be okay, but I'm not fine at all_

_Cause here we are again on that little town street  
You almost ran the red cause you were looking over me  
Wind in my hair I was there I remember it all too well  
_  
"Oh it's nothing," I sighed, reluctantly. "I'm being silly. I was just thinking about a road trip Ron and I took a while ago, he got us lost and then only having just learnt to drive, jumped some red lights and I wouldn't talk to him for weeks. It's kind of like that now – except every one apart from you is ignoring _me_now." I shook my head. "But don't worry about me. It's fine."

I suppose it was not knowing what to say, that caused Charlie to envelope me in a hug. No doubt Ginny would be shooting him daggers from somewhere else in the room. Apparently wanting to wait a year before having kids was the sole cause for the dissolution of my marriage - nothing to do with Ron's alcoholism or his affair with Lavendar, at all. Kind of figured, really, it all comes down to blood in the end I suppose. Always had done – perhaps I should have paid more heed to Draco Malfoy back at school when he was taunting me. Inhaling Charlie's fresh-cut grass scent did nothing for me, and I was overcome with sobs, my frame shaking as I politely excused myself and slipped outside into the garden, where dusk was falling.

I could see Ron's silhouette in the kitchen from the soft light; his broad shoulders, bumbling walk and his awkward gestures. A wry smile crossed my face as I sank to the ground, leaning my head against the wall and looking up at the stars; letting the tears course freely down my cheeks. Coming tonight was a mistake – I wasn't ready to see him – and I wasn't sure I would ever be.

There was no other thing for it; plain and simply I was completely irrevocably in love with Ronald Weasley and there was nothing he or his family could say to change that. The only thing that had changed was that he didn't feel that way for me anymore. And that wrenched my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

Not being able to stand the tension of the occasion I wiped my eyes, left my present for Percy and Audrey on the counter and then apparated away to my flat. The tears coursed freely the second I was alone, and I let out a scream of frustration; the photo frame of Ron and I on my bedside never hurting me more than it did in that one moment. In a moment of anger I picked it up and hurled it at the wall with a shriek. Sifting through the broken glass I pick up a faded photograph and brush my fingers over it at the memory; a long weekend in Paris that Ron had taken me on for Valentine's day. We look happy there, and I wonder what on earth happened. Why wasn't I enough for him? Why didn't we last?

_Photo album on my counter  
Your cheeks were turning red  
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin size bed  
And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the t-ball team  
You tell me about your past thinking your future was me_

I'm not sure how long the tears go on for, but at some point the shower seems like an inviting prospect and the hot water scalds my skin, a reminder of my humanity even though I feel like an empty shell. I stay in there until the water runs cold, and wrap myself in a fluffy blue towel – one which he chose when we bought the flat – my teeth chattering as my hair hands limply. Rocking back and forth I drift off, and at some point wake up, the towel slipped so that I'm freezing. Tossing on a shirt, I make my way to the living room knowing that there's no way I'll sleep tonight. It's one of those nights.

I have good days, and bad days, and sometimes in between. But tonight I was down, and there was very little I could do about it than pop the two white pills I was prescribed, and drink a steaming cup of cocoa in a hope that tiredness would win the battle between that and thinking over every little aspect of my life. The night time TV was disappointing, and I resigned myself to flicking through a photo album.

Graduating from Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall beaming at us proudly.

Our first date, me standing awkwardly in a dress where Ron's grin is as wide as the moon.

The two of us lifting a sofa through the doorway of our new flat.

Burying Crookshanks; Ron's arm around me comforting.

I sigh, knowing that I really ought to let go, but finding it impossible to do just that.

_And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do  
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to  
_  
As I rinse my cup in the sink I rest my head against the cool surface of the fridge, thinking about the late night conversations or baking sessions that transpired when things were good. They usually ended up with us both breathing heavily, a lot less closing and a toe-curling feeling of satisfaction – a feeling that I missed and hadn't experienced since. I was miserable, and even just the thought of Ron taking my hand and twirling me round the kitchen as we waltzed to the wireless was enough for tears to cascade down my cheeks again. I brush them away, hating myself for being so weak minded.

_Cause here we are again in the middle of the night  
We're dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light  
Down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well_

_And maybe we got lost in translation  
Maybe I asked for too much  
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece  
´til you tore it all up  
Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well  
_  
I riffle through the kitchen draw to find the letters Ron sent me three months after the divorce came through. We'd gone for coffee, chatted amicably and I genuinely thought we were friends again. Then there was Harry and Ginny's wedding, and that was when I realised he didn't want me; Lavendar a vision in scarlet as she twirled on his arm. I'd smiled and danced in turn with the Weasley boys but inside, that's when I knew he didn't want me.

_Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise  
So casually cruel in the name of being honest  
I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here  
Cause I remember it all all all too well_

I'd give anything to be able to walk down the street with a genuine smile on my face instead of the one I'd manufactured over the past years. I'd give anything to be touched, to be loved, to be wanted – but the likely of that happening is as likely as Hagrid winning hottest male of the year. Some people in this world are destined to be alone for all eternity, and I think that the sad reality is that I'm one of them.

Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it  
I´d like to be my old self again  
But I'm still trying to find it  
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own  
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone  
But your keep my old scarf from that very first week  
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me  
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well yeah

I hope there's a day when I learn to accept that fact; or a day where little miss Know-It-All is proved wrong. I hope that one day I can forget, love Ron as the brother he once was and love somebody else with every fibre of my being.

_ 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so  
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known  
It was where, I was there, I remember it all too well  
_

But right now it's too painful; the memories are too real; too vivid and too unreachable. I had it all and then it was ripped out of my hands without so much as a moment's notice – and I'd give anything to be happy again. I don't want to remember all the times we shared– and yet I wouldn't want to obliviate the memories even if you paid me all the gold in Gringotts.

Because the time we had together. The blissful moments, tangled between sheets or walking along without a care in the world? Those moments were priceless.

_Wind in my hair you were there you remember it all  
Down the stairs you were there you remember it all  
It was where, I was there I remember it all too well_

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**A/N**: So angsty, huh? What do you think? Taylor Swift's album is great - listen to "All Too Well" - that's the song I based this Fic on. Reviews would be lovely :3 - Beth :) xx_  
_


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